The Ring Cycle

The wedding ring issue. What to do, what to do?

John wore a ring that we bought together, engraved with our initials and the date of our marriage. At some point in the ICU he was puffed up with fluids. One of his marvelous nurses suggested that he take it off while he still could, since she would have to cut it off otherwise. I don’t think he ever removed his ring, even during his idiotic affairs. I slipped it on my own finger, since we didn’t want to lose it—and there it remained for quite some time.

It’s a dilemma to know what to do with the rings. I didn’t remove my wedding ring for a good long time, in fact for nearly a year. I experimented with putting different rings in place of my engagement ring, although I had also done that when John was still alive. Around the date of our wedding anniversary, I bought myself a strong gold necklace and put his ring on that, along with a gold charm of the Space Needle and a gold charm of the state of Texas given to me many years ago by a dear friend. The three symbolize the journey of our life together—we met in Texas, we parted in Seattle. At the same time, I shifted my own wedding ring—which had been my grandmother’s, engraved with their initials and their wedding date in 1918—to my right hand and it feels right there.

The other day, I was chatting with a widow friend who had celebrated her 50th wedding anniversary in October of 2008. Her husband died in March of 2009. Three weeks later, she was playing bridge with some friends when one suddenly said, “Oh, I’m so pleased to see you’re still wearing your wedding rings!” Three weeks after he died, following fifty years of marriage. For heaven’s sake. Was she supposed to take them off the minute he died? What for? To signify her single-hood? To catch herself another man? Just because she wasn’t technically “married” any longer? I’m certain that the rings were the last thing on her mind, but even if they weren’t, she can wear whatever jewelry she wants, widowed or not. And that particular jewelry, symbolism aside, had been on her hand for fifty years, longer in the case of the engagement ring! I’m sure it didn’t even cross her mind until someone pointed it out. That’s a shame.

Another friend had divorced her philandering husband and flung her rings from the deck of a Washington State Ferry into Puget Sound. Sounds cathartic, doesn’t it? She was, of course, smart enough to remove the diamonds first. I think there’s a certain anger toward the symbolism of the rings which happens in divorce but isn’t there in the case of widowhood. I was certainly disgusted at the rings when John was the one doing the philandering. I can understand wanting to fling them into the deepest, coldest water I could find.

But as it is, I still wear rings on my left ring finger. I just like it. Partly, it reminds me of the idea of being married and everything that meant. Symbolically, like a nun. But truthfully, I have several lovely rings and only have two fingers they fit. One of them is the traditional wedding ring finger. So there you go. If you want to know my status, well, don’t be afraid to ask. But you should know what the answer is: I’m a widow. I’m no longer married. And I wear lots of rings.

UPDATE: July 2009—Oddly, I’ve developed some arthritis in the middle joint of my left pinky finger. Many years ago, I sliced the side of it open on some glass and had restoration surgery done on it, which has probably accellerated the inevitable arthritis I’ll be getting in all my joints. But the joint has become somewhat sensitive and was rubbing against the ring I was wearing on my wedding-ring-finger. Therefore: I had to remove the ring. Perhaps a sign of some kind? A goose from beyond to remove the symbolism? Just getting old and creaky? Who’s to say. At any rate, I’m now ringless on my left hand and my joints feel better.

Born in 1961. Married in 1990. Widowed in 2007. Blogging in 2009.

96 comments On The Ring Cycle

  • Wear your ring, if it makes you feel good. My ring never fit me very well. It was a beautiful setting. It was my husband’s ring that I a had inscribed that means the most to me. “I do, I do, I do” the date of our wedding and the TMD (“truly, madly deeply”). I don’t wear my ring because of the fitting but I will pass both rings onto my children. Lost my husband to cancer the day before Valentine’s Day 2013. Miss him every day.

  • I lost my husband in November of 2011 just three months after he was diagnosed with brain cancer. he died 2 months shy of our 14th wedding anniversary and 2 month after his 65th birthday. I still wear my wedding ring on my left hand yet today as I have since it was placed there by him. I intend to wear it till my dying day. That is why he still wears it even after he passed. I had him buried wearing the one ring he vowed to never take off. And someday when we are together again he will see I too kept my vow to never take off the ring he placed on my finger as a symbol of his undying love for me.

  • I barely ever wore my ring let alone my diamond and now that I have a job where I can wear my jewelry and not have to remove it I wear my rings all the time placing his along with mine on the same ring finger. Istill miss him today he’s been gone since July 1, 2013 I watched him die my arms from a long aneurysm called a blur

  • It is really nice and comforting to read these testimonials about marrriages and the ultimate sadness of losing your spouse and what on earth to do with the rings…..I have been going through the same conflict. My husband passed away suddenly on 11/3/13 of a heart attack at 58, I found him lingering between life and death and tried CPR and the EMT’s did everything they could to no avail and I was a widow at 48….at first I kept my band and ring on for dear life…then I started the switching around…engagement ring on right hand, band in pinky finger…emerald and diamond ring on wedding ring finger so on and so forth…took them all off and went the naked route for a while and my sister noticed and was so sad when I said, I’m not married anymore…so she sent me some info of having the ring or band or both put on a chain, just afraid of losing it…I think in time….I will be doing that, perhaps visiting my jeweler where we purchased them and they also do creations and have it all banded together and maybe made into a gorgeous necklace….It’s so hard….grief is so painful physically and mentally….the challenges we face moment to moment are heartwrenching. I thank you ladies for your input…I just happened to google the question of what to do with the rings and I ended up here….I have hopes and prayers for all widows and widowers that peace comes at moments of need…along with a fabulous grief counsellor every Friday, I am “hanging in”..I miss him more than ever..he was my whole life for almost 30 years….

  • I have been widowed for 17 months now, and hadn’t given a thought to removing my rings until a widower friend asked my advice about his wedding ring. I feel at the moment that I don’t want to take them off ever. I was so happy and proud to wear them, and that hasn’t changed.

  • Connie Bielen

    I too, have been wondering what to do about wearing my wedding ring since my husband passed suddenly 14 months ago. We were married 28 years and together almost 30 years. At first I thought I will never take it off, but I have tossed around the idea of taking them to our favorite jeweler and taking the diamonds from both bands and having a new ring created, more like an anniversary band that we could never afford on our 25th anniversary. And that way still having some special meaning. Any advice would be welcomed….

  • My wife went to heaven Feb 26, 2015. After almost 15 years of dealing with different cancers, treatments, ups and downs, she left me one morning. After 3 months I decided to switch my wedding band to my right hand. A neighbor asked why I did such a thing and thus started my search for other widow’s and widower’s feelings on the subject. It has been over 4 months since I lost her and it still hurts so very much. We were teen-aged sweethearts and we’re married for more than 53 years. She was the the only girl I’ve dated since I was 17. Dating other women you say? We’ll that’s another (scary) subject all by its self.
    I can only say what someone recently said to me, “Stay strong.”

  • I read the article and the comments here. I find no information that is helpful to answering this question. I think the only real answer is wear them until you feel the need to do otherwise. I am a widow for over a year and have always taken my rings off when I’m home simply because jewelry bothers me to wear. One day when I forgot to put it on before work a co-worker made the announcement that I was “looking” for a man. I quickly corrected him but it was quite embarrassing. Another time when I was talking to a woman about losing my husband over a year ago she asked if I was remarried. I said of course not, why would you think that? She said because you are wearing a wedding ring. I soon figured out that there are so many different perceptions out there about the rings that you can only do what you feel in your heart is right. Wearing them for your lifetime is fine but if you choose not to there should be no guilt. You have fulfilled your vow until death do you part. Every individual losing a spouse will have to play this by how they feel and no one anywhere under any circumstances has the right to judge or even inquire ask why you are or why you are not wearing your ring. That is your business.

  • I lost my husband suddenly on 12/30/12 and still wear my rings. I have four daughters (ages 5-17) and sometimes when we are out complete strangers comment on how tough it must be for my husband to live with all these females, etc. I think because I wear my rings they assume I am married. And why wouldn’t they? But when that moment occurs it is always quite awkward and we usually nervously laugh and don’t give the stranger too much info. Partly because it’s still painful to talk about it. And also because I don’t feel the need to tell them about our lives. I still do not want to take off my wedding band and engagement ring. It still feels right to wear them. I just don’t like to be put on the spot. That being said, yesterday I purchased a hematite wedding band and I have placed it on my wedding ring finger along with my other rings. Hoping this will encourage others (if they even glance at my finger before they talk to me) to do so with tact and inquire or mention a father or husband with a little more thoughtfulness. You truly cannot know what anyone else is going through or why they choose to wear a ring etc. I’m still not sure how I’ll go forward with my rings but this “widow” ring was only $5 so I’m going to see how I feel wearing it and go from there.

  • I lost my husband of 41 years in January, 2015. In reading this post, I am comforted that I am not the only one that has questioned what to do. I, too, started playing musical fingers with my rings. I can’t let go completely. They have been a part of my life for so long. My thoughts have changed time and again. I began to feel uncomfortable wearing them on my wedding ring finger as if I was lying to the world. My choice was to continue to wear my rings, but on my right hand. It feels comfortable there. This widowhood thing is a process. Still having a hard time choosing “single” on forms. I recently sold a piece of property and it listed my name followed by the phrase “a single woman”. OUCH!!

  • My husband of 53yrs, passed away Dec,2014. I don’t feel like a widow. I still feel married. I will not take my beautiful rings, that he bought for me, off my finger.

  • I lost my husband 5 months ago we were married 40 yrs he passed away of Cancer. I had surgery the other day was told take off rings as i did my wedding band broke. My children asked me what i want to do. Right now i dont know if i should fix it or put them both away with my husbands wedding band any answers?

  • My husband, John, the love of my life and the best friend I will ever have, died on Saturday morning on February 4, 2012. He was 55, me 49. We were together for 18 years but married for only 5. I was blessed to be at the hospital and holding his hand when he went to be with the Lord. I still wear my wedding ring and engagement ring but have added the “third ring” or “widows ring”. It is a black steel ring with a small silver heart split in two. So my heart is broken forever, but I go on because John wants me to. Coworkers see my rings and have asked me if I’ve remarried. I’ve dressed in something that cheers me up, and they comment that “I’m putting myself out there again.” I reply no to the first and show my left hand to the second. Until it has happened to you, you will never understand. Peace and comfort to all of you, my “comrades” who have lost our spouses. There is no right answer for rings. Do what you feel in your heart. If you decide to take them off, it has no reflection on your love for your spouse. And to those who question, you really shouldn’t say anything to us. We have the right, and truthfully a need, to look nice and wear or not wear our rings without being considered on the hunt. Just let us be. This is going to take a really long time. God Bless.

  • My 65 year old husband died 3 years ago and I have just started to switch rings around. Looking at rings for something to commemorate our lives. A man at bridge noticed the first day I stopped wearing my wedding rings and tapped my finger! I plan to wear/not wear, mix or match different rings as I see fit. I don’t bother to worry about what is “right”.

  • I lost my husband on 29th Dec., 2014. He was my heart, my friend and all to me.

  • My husband slept with The Lord on 29th Dec., 2014. He was my heart, my friend and all to me. He went to met with his Lord right on my hand. We have been married for 25years, and I became a widow at the age of 49, he was 66. I believe the issue of the ring is personal because I am still wearing my ring. The pains of loosing a spouse is forever there but God is faithful. You can decide to wear or remove, I don’t think it matters to anybody. We will not know how people feels until you are in that position.

  • I lost my husband of 15 years unexpected in July this year, he was 47. I’m 40 with two teenage children. I think the key thing is, that whatever is right for you is the right thing. Right now, only 10 weeks into this journey, taking it one challenging step at a time I have decided to wear my rings, and I also wear his on my right hand (we were pracitcally the same size so it fits) – I know it time that will change, and when it feels right I will change it. Right now I can’t even bear to deal with his wardrobe.

    Unfortunately well meaning people can say some thoughtless things in these situations, I just try and have my “sound bytes” or one liners at the ready to nip these akward moments in the bud.

  • My husband died suddenly this past February in an accident. Our 19th anniversary was exactly 6 months from the day I buried him. We have 2 young sons so I took mine off on my anniversary to put away for one of them to use. It was definitely hard to hand the set over to the jeweller to clean knowing that’d be the last time they’d be on my finger. It’s been almost a month and I’m ok. I did replace it with a dainty promise ring he gave me while dating. Maybe I’ll get a family ring made.

  • I became a widower on 3 September 2015. Just a bit over three weeks ago. I’ve been wondering about this “ring” question for a few days. I feel fortunate to have found some thoughts and opinions here. We were five months and five days from our 30th wedding anniversary. We had met about two years prior to that. I guess I will just wait until the time feels right. I noticed that not many men have commented. I wonder if its something men anguish over a lot less, or do they just not search for answers to this question.

  • I lost my husband on August 13, 2015 (just under 7 weeks at the time of this writing). When I went to bed tonight, I had a crying session. Felt like I would never stop. Got up and browsed and saw this. Of course, after such a short time, I’m wearing my rings and I wear his on my right ring finger. I can’t imagine ever taking them off. We would have been married 38 years this past September 17. He was my best friend and the love of my life. I miss him so! When does the hole in my heart start to mend?

  • Handling the loss of my husband didn’t hit me for a few months. I struggle not crying at work and have lost interest in most things. I noticed another widow had removed her rings. I was surprised and curious about when to remove mine. My prongs where worn so soon after my husbands passing I had his birthstone which also was the month he passed added to my engagement ring. I’m trying to heal my broken heart. We where married 25 years and 21 of those years he was very ill. He was determined to stay here with me a long as he possibly could. He loved serving God and loved me so very much. I feel lost and thought my rings would comfort me but sadly they do not. Somehow the new setting just reminds me he never got to see them, he often reminded me my diamond needed a new setting. A friend told me to make my husband proud by staying strong. I’m sorry but for a while I just can only be weak, but determined I’ll smile again. It’s been 7 months since he passed and at some time I’ll moved my rings from left to right. Then I believe I’ll buy a new ring to symbolize a new faze of life.

  • I have so much in common with so many of the comments here. I lost my husband on September 14, 2015 after a short six month battle with brain cancer. We celebrated our 41st anniversary last January 19th, and we too met in high school. My entire adult life was spent committed to this man, so how do I begin to recover. I certainly have not, and most likely will never get over losing him. I have my rings on my left hand snugly and securely. I have his ring right where I can find it whenever I feel the need to wear it also. I want a way to preserve our rings together, and be able to give them to our grandchildren. So for right now, I will continue to wear them. I loved him greatly, and still do. Right now it feels as if he has simply stepped out the door for a walk. I can’t stop wearing his ring just because I can’t see him. God bless us all who wander thru this world alone for a time. I know that some day I will see him again !

  • My husband passed away on July 8th, 2014 he was 58 years old. Were married 36 years. The last 15 years he had multiple health problems. At first, I said that I would never take off my wedding band (his was in his jewelry box because he was in the hospital at the time of his passing). At this point Tom has been gone for 15 months and just this past week I took off my wedding band. I cried off and on all day and into the night. My hand looked so different, it was bear and I so missed having my band on my finger I was 19 when we got married and went from my parents home to my married home and so I always wore my band , but I had lost some weight lately and it was loose on my finger and I have a cashier job and did not want to take the risk of losing the band I would have been very upset if I did, so I took it off and placed it with my husband wedding band for safe keeping but there is also another reason why I thought it was time to take it off . I feel that I am at a place in my life that I am rebuilding a new life without Tom, I always placed Tom’s needs above mine especially when his health started to decline , now that he has passed away and I continue to work through my grief I am at a point where I need to start rebuilding my life a life that is without Tom. After much thought I know that for ever how long God gives me here on this earth I want to serve Him and be obedient to His will and His plans for my life. I have committed to this in my life but it occurred to me a few weeks ago if I am giving 100 % of me to God I really felt like I needed to take off my ring. Now I feel free to give all of me to God. As for the wedding rings I have a plan to have them melted down and reshaped into an infinity symbol, across the top I will have them inscribed with these numbers:415787514 these number have significance in my life 41578 is our wedding date 4-15-78 and the last part of the numbers are 7514 this is the date the neurologist told me there was no hope for recovery 7-5-14. I knew that he was no longer with me, even though it took me a couple of days to get my finances in order before I had the machines that were breathing for him turned off. So one day a few months after he had passed I was just doodling and thinking or should I say NOT thinking I was pretty numb at this point anyways, I wrote the sum total of my life with Tom if you will notice the whole complete set of numbers are the same forward as they are backwards. I was amazed when I figured it out . So I want the melting of both our rings and made into an infinity symbol which means eternity and love everlasting and placed on a gold band and worn as a bracelet as a reminder of our love, I am also going to have our birthstones put on the bracelet they by the way are the same color! So As God reshapes my life I will also reshape and mix our two rings together as a reminder that I will see Tom again in heaven where we will have eternity to know each other in the most perfect way and in a place where love never ends. Thanks for this place that I could share my Idea of what I want to do with my ring.

  • My beloved husband died in May of 2011 and I
    am still wearing my wedding ring. I have shifted it to my right hand a few times just to see how it feels, but within hours I place it back on my left hand. Its absence on my hand is a cold reminder of my loss. Its presence warms my heart with the memories of our 33 happy years together. Surprisingly, not one person has commented on the fact that I still wear my wedding ring. I plan to continue wearing it until….well, I just don’t know when. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts on this topic.

  • I lost my husband on January 10, 2015. Less than two months after finding out he had pancreatic cancer. He died suddenly after surgery. He was 51 and I was 40. Until recently, the thought of taking my rings off never really crossed my mind (I also wear my husband’s wedding band on my left ring finger as he was cremated). However, I have found myself thinking about dating again and I’m not sure what to do. I have considered getting them sized to fit my right hand and leaving them there. I have also considered having them made into another ring of some sort. I took them off last weekend for the day and went to town. I kept looking at my finger and it was bare and I didn’t like it. My husband was my absolute best friend and soul mate and dealing with losing him has been a tremendous struggle, and I am afraid if I take them off it will be like leaving him behind. I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer to this question. I think it is each person’s decision to do what they can live with. It doesn’t matter what other people think. Me, I haven’t made my decision yet, but I’m really not in a hurry.

  • I lost my husband November 27, 2015. We were married only 7 days. He was 42. I’m still in shock. I’ve been wearing my wedding set and I honestly don’t want to take it off. I may someday, but I just can’t right now. Being married to him was so wonderful and my rings remind me of that and of him.

  • I lost my husband on 1st November 2015 after nursing him through his short battle with cancer. 11 weeks diagnosis of lung cancer to his loss. He died in our sitting room, my head close to his, my body against his on the hospital bed we had brought in. We had been married under 4 years. I don’t know how to do this thing. I don’t want to be a widow. I want to be married to my husband and I feel that I am still and I don’t know when that will stop. If ever. I still wear all of my rings and cannot imagine not doing so but it is early days I know. I googled the question and ended up here. I am weeping now reading the stories of the other postings but I feel less alone now having read them Thank you and I wish everyone the very best of everything in life. Everything in good time and there are no rules….

  • Phyllis Funkenbusch

    Just like several of the posters, I found this site by Googling the question whether widows should continue wearing their wedding rings. I lost my husband unexpectedly following an accidental fall in February 2015. He was 3 months shy of his 68th birthday and 4 months shy of our 35th wedding anniversary. We had been together for almost 40 years. Among the many terrible things about widowhood is the lack of guidance as to what is to be expected as a widow and what is proper behavior for a widow, so I am glad to read here about other persons’ experiences. Today, ten months and ten days after my husband’s death, I took off my wedding rings and put on a birth stone ring I’ve had since I was a girl. It felt right for today; I don’t know what I will do tomorrow.

  • I too wonder about the rings. I had gained weight and they no longer fit. I lost weight and was able to wear the band alone. I still did not wear it often which my husband understood why. He has been gone three months now and I want to lose weight so they both fitt. I agree with Jill. I want to be married to my husband. I miss being married, but I miss being married to my husband. I don’t know if I will wear my rings again? I know that I love the rings and I love the man who gave them to me. One in a Pioneer Pies and one in a church. I will always treasure the memories those rings provide. I have also worn a beautiful birthstone ring my parents bought me several years ago. He was okay with that also. I know this is a big question, but each person has to do what is right for them. There is no wrong answer. I don’t think people mean to be iincensitive. They just don’t realize the immense pain we are going through everyday and they won’t know until they have to walk in our shoes.

  • I had never thought of doing anything other than continuing to wear my wedding ring. It is actually a cheap replacement as I put a lot of weight after we married and neither my engagement nor my real wedding rigs fit. I had bought him a magnetic bracelet to try to help his joints problems so now I wear it and touch it frequently for reassurance.

  • My beloved husband died suddenly in February after 43 wonderful years of marriage. In the ER the doctor handed me his wedding band which I placed on a chain around my neck immediately and have worn everyday since. It’s a beautiful band and he was a beautiful man and reminds me of so many happy years together. I still wear my rings and have no intention of putting them away. I’m not looking for another husband and they give me a spark of joy every time I look at them. I’ll never forget the moment he placed them on my hand. Do what feels right for you. There are no rules for grieving. God bless…

  • My husband committed suicide in March of 2015. Shortly before that I was seeking a divorce. Would I be wrong to pawn my rings?

  • I lost my husband on May 1, 2015 after a long bout with pancreatic cancer. It was hard to see the love of your life, your best friend, and your soul mate go through such pain for five years. We were best friends for 10 years before we left our respective spouses to be with each other 22 years ago. I miss him so much and know that I will never find another one like him, so I’m not looking. He was only 61 and we were looking forward to enjoying retirement together. Now I just look forward to the day when I can join him. I can’t wear his ring on my right hand as he was a very large man and when my sister picked up our rings before our wedding, she commented that she picked up one ring and one “baby bracelet”. I have been thinking about what to do with our rings for awhile. My husband asked that he not be buried with his ring as it was very expensive –he was like that–aways practical. He had purchased new, inexpensive rings for both of us to wear after he lost 150 lbs from the disease and his ring no longer fit. Last night I had the idea of having a jeweler make a slide for a necklace with his ring, mine inside of his, and the heart shaped diamond from my engagement ring in the middle. I thought none of our kids or grandchildren would ever wear our rings but they may wear the gold/diamond slide. In the interim, I can wear it close to my heart. Now, I just need to find a qualified jeweler to design it for me. Thank you to all who previously posted. No one will really understand what we are going through until they walk in our shoes. I agree, do what feels comfortable to you and not what may or may not make others feels more comfortable.

  • After 4 years and 3 months I have taken my ring off. I now wear my lovely husband’s wedding ring on my left hand, together with another comfortable one. I dont want to make an announcement by having an empty ring finger on my left hand. I miss him every day and lovely children and friends are valued but can’t fill that gap. I miss that special person to share things with. I’m doing OK, keeping busy but there is feeling of time rushing by and I wonder if it will always be like this.

    Missy. No you wouldn’t be wrong. There are no rules, don’t stress about it x

  • I lost my husband suddenly in 2009 when I was 52. I never considered taking off my wedding band. When I broke my finger it had to be removed quickly. I made a choice that hasn’t been mentioned yet. I had my ring resized and now wear it on the middle finger of my left hand. It helps me feel he’s still with me. I only wish it still didn’t hurt so much losing him.

  • I lost my husband last week very suddenly an: my heart is. Breaking. His wedding ring is on a chain around my neck and I can’t imagine taking mine off.
    Comforting to read all these posts.

  • I lost my husband suddenly nearly 2 years ago at the age of 43, I miss him every day, some days I am fine, others I can’t stop crying, I still wear my rings and I did wear Kevins for a while but It was a bit too big. I have decided to have our rings combined into one ring, not decided on the design yet, that way I can wear all the rings a once.

  • It’s been so comforting reading the posts. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts on this. I thought I was doing fine…it will be 3 yrs. in July. I had taken off my wedding ring and replaced it with a sentimental ring that was my birthstone & coincidentally the color that represents Pancreatic Cancer. I recently realized that I subconsciously transferred the symbolism of my wedding ring to this ring. And now I feel guilty if I take this ring off. I feel so judged on every decision I make….that makes this journey so much harder

  • My husband and I were together 36 years.May 2016 would have been our 30th anniversary. I decided to wear my rings reversed at least for now. Wedding band on top and diamond on the bottom. If someday another man notices, he may be worth considering another option for the rings.

  • I lost my husband in October 2015 after a bout with Alzheimer’s disease, which in itself was a very depressing and saddening disease because I had to watch the man I love leave me right before my eyes long before his death. I miss him so much and find it hard to imagine ever enjoying so many of the things/events we enjoyed sharing together again. I, too, found this sight when I searched whether or not I should move my wedding rings to my right hand. I also recently lost my mother so I am trying to struggle with the loss of two of the most important people in my life at once. They were both Hospice patients and I have been offered their grief counseling service, which I think I will follow-up on. For now, I will continue to wear my rings.

  • I’m so thankful that my sister-in-love found this website for me after I talked to her about my wedding rings and the dilemma I’m facing about taking them off. It has been 19 months since my husband of almost 25 years died from cancer. I’ve recently realized that I am moving on with my life while Bob is so far behind. I know he is with the Lord, healthy and at peace, but he’s not aging anymore. It occurred to me recently that the symbolism of wearing my rings is no longer valid. I still kind of feel married as my heart is still full of love for Bob, but most of the time I don’t . I certainly am not interested in other relationships. If I’m not married, I’m single and that is the loneliest feeling. Just some thoughts… I like reading others’ comments about rings and I really like the idea of combining both of our wedding rings together in some way. I’d love to hear if others have already done this and how it turned out.

  • My husband, lover, friend, passed away February 2015. We had been married 47 wonderful years. He had been very ill for 40 of those years and he was was talking about being with the Lord that last year. He told me just days before he passed that he hoped the Lord took him soon, as he was tired. That discussion gave me such a peace knowing that God listened and my love was no longer suffering.

    I recently had surgery to which my rings came off. I have not put them back on. My hand looks bare, and I do miss them, as I miss him.

    I decided to purchase a new ring. One that has symbolism of our life together. Now when I look at it, I am planning to think of all the wonderful times we had together, not the years of illness.

  • Linda (regarding your post on 5/8) – can you describe your ring? I really love that idea as well but have no clue as to how to incorporate that in a ring! Thanks.

  • Peggy,
    The one I bought has regular diamonds which represents our love and family. Black diamonds for his illness. And blue diamonds represent God’s love and the great times He gave us.

    I had been thinking about doing it and I was in JC Penney over the weekend. I saw “it”. Just what I wanted, was on sale and is now being sized.

    I will put our rings together in a special place to have and to hold forever.

  • That sounds so beautiful, Linda! And, very special. Thank you for sharing. I took my wedding ring off yesterday morning and haven’t worn it since. I have felt so sad about it and dreamt last night that my husband was dying all over again. Geez.

  • I have been widowed for almost 19 years. My husband passed away 2 months before our last daughter was born. (She was born in August and he passed in June 1997). I have worn my the same wedding ring he put on my finger the day we married, along with the ring he asked to marry me with. After 4 children and 10 years of marriage, he was taken away by a driver eluding the police. He died instantly. We grew up together and even shared the same birthday although he was 7 years my senior. Regardless I have never taken my rings off my left ring finger and I wear his ring on my right thumb.ive done it for almost 19 years and I will continue to do so until my dying day.

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One more thing…

How else do I know what hurts and what helps? Because not only were they done to me… I learned through this process that I am certain to have done the very same "Don't" things to others at some point along the way. If you're one of them, I am genuinely sorry. I'm trying to learn.