Ok, you’re a widow. I’m sorry to hear it. My heartfelt condolences to you and those you love.
Early in my widowhood, a friend came over to the house and said with honest anguish, “I don’t know what to do as your friend. How can I best help you?” I didn’t know what to tell her. I had no idea and truthfully I did not know what I needed, what would help me at the time. There’s no road map. But having experienced some things a young(ish) widow goes through, I thought perhaps if I could share my own story and observations, they might help other people who are experiencing the loss of their partner and/or friend.
The Incomparable RLEE called me “the hottest WILF I know”. At the funeral, no less. After we finished laughing, he followed it up with “That’s probably one of the Top Ten Things Not To Say To A New Widow.” Hence, the inspiration for this site.
You might start on the What To Do Now page, whether you’re the widow or a friend wanting to know what to do (or maybe not to do!). What follows are my experiences on becoming a widow, on the inevitable outcome of being—and staying—in love. It’s not a guidebook. I only know how I feel about being a widow and how I’ve been dealing with it. You’ll need to find your own path. It’s meant to share suggestions about what might (or might not) help. We’re all lost in this particular world. The only ones who do know are dead and they ain’t talking.
This what I did. This is what I am doing. This how I am coping with loss and finding a new life. These are some of the astounding and loving ways everyone around me makes that new life possible. And perhaps some ideas for what you can do when death happens around you. Which it will. These are the things that helped me—along with the things that didn’t. Look around and see if there’s a topic that resonates with where you are now.
Everything here is solely from my point of view so don’t get your tail in a bunch if it’s not in line with your philosophy. It’s for sure not going to be in line with your experience. Comments are welcome and encouraged. It genuinely helps to know there are others out there sharing your journey and to know you are not alone. However, please know that all comments are vetted and approved by me (it’s my site dagnabbit). Therefore, absolutely no trolling, name calling, angry rants or for that matter, anything at all that might make somebody else feel bad in any way whatsoever. If you wouldn’t say it to your grieving mother, you’re not going to be able to say it here. The internet is a big place, this site is a small safe place.
Each of us ultimately walks this path alone. But there is a lot of love out there for you to gather strength from in order to make that walk less lonely.
—The Practical Widow